Basel Action Network Awarded Title, Cash, Prizes

soviet russia[Seattle, WA: April 1, 2012]  A hero's welcome was unveiled for an environmental watchdog group, to recap 10 years of efforts to reduce toxics, enforce international law, and close loopholes for dumping of used surplus electronics, or "e-waste".   The award recognized efforts of a USA NGO to represent unsuspecting victims in Africa, Asia, and Latin America. Basel Action Network, of Seattle Washington, dedicated its award to struggling Africans in emerging markets.  These small African businesspeople, who spend hundreds of millions of African dollars on used computers, find out many years later that the goods they imported and use are actually "e-waste".

The "Environmental Revolutionary Steward" award was presented by Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Basel Action Network's leader James Puckett arrived by helicopter from his private first class Paul Gaughin Cruise Ship onto a red carpet at a military ceremony at CenturyLink Field.

Puckett approached the podium to a standing ovation by military rulers from a dozen nations.  He accepted the award as well as a check for 1% of the proceeds of customs fees seized for every container of used computers stopped at the ports in Tripoli, Alexandria, and other "developing world" ports.

Only Outlaws Will Export Computers
President Ahmadinejad held the E-Waste trophy high over his shoulders.  He called the BAN organization the "Real heroes" of the "Pledge of True Green Revolution", and the "Stewards of Stability".   This is the first time Ahmadinejad has used the term "green revolution", a term previously banned from use in Tehran.

Each of the generals and dignitaries joined Puckett to decry the pollution and toxic risks from the use of sites like Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, Google+, Orkut, Stumbledupon, etc.

"Ok, Revolution 2.0 is over.  Revolution 3.0 has now returned things 180 degrees, prior to all of this Kaleed Said nonesense," said Saadi Gaddafi Qaddafy Kwadafee, the billionaire football star and playboy son of deposed Colonel Omar Quadafi of Libya.

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Prepared for used cell phone fixer lab raids
"We will not have our children exposed to computer viruses, or poisoned by toxic fumes from affordable computers," said Bashar al-Assad, leader of Syria.  "Used PCs pollute our young brains with pornographic images of democracy."

The "E-Steward Award" recognizes the efforts of European, American, South Korean, or Japanese recyclers who shred the highest percentage of used electronics, or close the doors of affordable "white box" refurbishing factories.

"Good enough technology is not good enough for Africa," said Husni Mubarek, via a Skype call covered on the stadium megastream.  A chant of "Good enough is not good enough" ensued from the green-uniformed military battalion at center stage.

"Appropriate technology is completely inappropriate," said deposed Tunisian president-for-second-life Zine al-Abadine Ben Ali.

While non-OECD nations are 83% of the world population, and nations with per capita incomes under $4,000 are growing in internet use at ten times the rate of developed nations, BAN works to pass laws making it illegal for rich nations to trade or donate used computers there.   The focus of the Basel Action Network award was on the estimated 15% which may not be repaired or reused, though most of the dictators in attendance ban even tested working units which are less than 3 years old.  According to a recent UN study, Ghana alone has thirty thousand electronics fixers and techs.   But BAN was applauded roundly for keeping the focus on exports squarely upon the percentage that might wind up in a recycling yard.

"I won't have these used products despoiling internet cafes on our shores!" ranted Isaias Afewerki of Eritrea.     Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe snapped a stick of RAM memory in half, and threw it to the crowd.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad spoke of the need for students in emerging markets to stay calm and wait for life to improve.  "It's not time to make a change.  Just sit back, take it slowly.  You're still young, that's your fault, there's so much you need to go through."  He urged his people to respect the environmental award, to take their time, think a lot, to think of everything they got.  "For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not."  The Iranian and Syrian national anthems have recently been changed to embrace the song by Yusuf Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens, edited and retitled "Father And.".

Yemeni ex-leader Ali Abdullah Saleh shook Mr. Puckett's hand for 3 minutes. Lifting the bottom of his gas mask to speak in a hushed monotone, he said that "Thanks to Basel Action Network, we aren't against freedom of speech, or internet access.  We're against poisoning little primitive children.  We're stopping e-waste and enforcing the Basel Convention. "

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Celebrating dictatorship of the Obsolete-ariat
"My dream," said Puckett, in accepting the award, "Is that the young people in emerging markets will leapfrog our old technology.  They shouldn't have to use CRT monitors or other common internet displays.  We can achieve our dream. No used computers.  No second-hand cell phones.  No toxics, no recycling.   Everyone deserves a new IPAD 5, free satellite bandwidth, and a pony."

The runner up for the Stewardship Award, the European Europol and Interpol offices, were recognized for pubicly accusing the majority of Geeks and repair techs overseas as "organized criminals".   Visiting rulers noted how brave it was for these agencies to physically arrest and publicly accuse these overseas buyers in 2009, the same year as independent academic and UN research began to document the actual sources of e-waste at African dumps (domestic generation) and the actual outcomes of the containers they exported (85% reuse).  The Once-ler was considered strong contender for this year's award, but dropped out and donated proceeds to The Lorax, who now speaks for the geeks as well as the trees.

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